Oh I feel beat down. Suffer I a sinus cold, induced by pink eye... or at least it feels like a cold due to all the sneezing, headaches and sniffles I'm having... Don't you hate that tickle in your eye, that little nerve tug that makes you sneeze? This eye infection seems to be giving me a perma-tickle and it's not pleasant. Not only do I feel beaten down, but I look it as well. No, it's not just the red beady eye; my face is drawn and really, I'm losing my hair. It's thinning. They say stress will do this to a person, but I'm used to having beautiful locks that seem to go on forever. Now, I dread every time I run a brush through it and will have to see more strands coming out; how sad. I'm trying to find positivity in my day, but right now, sitting alone, knowing my spouse is working all night and I'll have to hear the wind howling outside and feel the chill from the leaky windows, with out him to curl up to, I'm finding optimism hard to grasp. Even the joy of my life, my son seems to know how I feel for he too is having a hard time sleeping. If it wasn't for the fear of breaking his hard won routine, I'd have him sleep on me to comfort us both.
Instead though, I'll look to the 20 minutes of day dreaming I'll do before I tumble into a restless sleep. The day dreams of the perfect house, the perfect furniture, the perfect home in which everything self cleans and dust and dirty dishes never happen...and not because we don't use them. Oh how I love those day dreams before sleep comes.
Maybe when the baby wakes up for his 4am feeding I'll cave and snuggle with him for the rest of the night... I mean hey, if we're both feeling restless is it wrong to bring comfort in love? Oh how great I am at rationalizing! I can talk myself into believing anything...
Maybe just for tonight...
Maybe.
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